why 110 degrees is ridiculous

It was 91 degrees today with a heat index of 110. What is a heat index? It's how hot it actually feels with the humidity. That is too damn hot. Seriously, hot. In the car, hot. Outside, hot. Inside, hot. In the freezer, not hot, but not safe either if you remember that one punky brewster episode where she gets stuck in the fridge and dies... maybe she doesn't die, but I think that was the moral of the story. So the only way to deal with this is to flee the state. Sadly I have to wait two weeks to do this, but as long as I don't melt before that, things should be great.

possible book title

A bucket of fried chicken has never sounded worse

Termites

Well, now we have termites. I'm not making this up. I could, but why bother when good shit actually happens anyway. So I've learned several things about bugs here...

1. When the bug guy shows up, you're supposed to have caught a bug so he knows what kind it is. I know you're thinking I can't be serious, but this was actually said to me)
2. Termites don't eat people, only wood, so unless you're made of wood, no worries.
3. Windex kills termites.
4. Termites are not welcome here.
5. The bug guy gets offended when you follow him around with soap telling him to wash his hands and not touch the bugs, they're gross. Well, I'm sorry bug dude but it's true.
6. Termites are different looking than fleas and you're dumb if you can't tell the difference.
7. Houston sucks.
8. Bugs suck.
9. Vodka doesn't suck.
10. Dyed shoes are stupid.

Ode to snow caps

Oh snow caps you are so good
like a chocolate river of joy
yummy


oh well apparently an Ode has a specific number of syllables... who knew... well anyway I just can't be bothered with stupid details like that (no offense if you take offense to bad poetry, but in fairness there are better things to worry about in a day, I'm not judging, but relax a little, seriously)

Fleas

It's official... the apartment in oh so wonderful Houston had fleas. Eww gross yuck, how the hell did that happen... all solid reactions to this. We have no idea how this happened. The place is clean, there has never been a pet in here, and yet, Lindsay and I are covered in ichy bug bites. Thanks to enough chemicals to kill (insert something you detest here) we are now bug free... but this leads me to complain about the educational state of bugs in general. Months ago, shortly after we realized that this is a wild kingdom of creatures down here (did you know that Armadillos really exist... I thought they were just funny looking cartoon creations) I put up a very neatly written sign explaining to the bugs that they were not allowed inside our place, upon penalty of death. I also had Andrea translate this into Spanish in the footnote, as Texas has a very large Spanish speaking population. How could this be any nicer and clearer you ask... it couldn't. We have upheld our part of the agreement, and frankly we expect the same from the bugs. So if the bugs happen to be reading this, we are disapointed. You have let down your educational system... much like Bush... and you should be ashamed.

Nicknames for Laura

I have decided that Nats on going quest for the perfect nickname for me should definatly be made into a public forum discussion. Honestly, I see no other option. So, family, friends, whoever else reads this thing (does anyone?) please feel free to offer suggestions as to wonderful / appropriate nicknames for me. I'll start the ball rolling, and perhaps, Nat, you will find something to your liking... though somehow I strongly doubt that.

Wonderful
Beautiful
Hey sexy
Gorgeous
Is that chocolate I smell?
Laura dora (still sticking Dad)
B (this one makes no sense with my name, but kind of stuck in high school)
LN (Ian's name of choice but always reminded me of the name of a cow... not that I know any cows by name)
Amazing
Sweetie
Honey
Babe
No you shouldn't cut your hair
Fabulous

OK, so let's get the ball rollings and see what happens here...

Why staying up until 5:00 a.m. is not a good idea

Marta asked if I wanted to help chaperone her middle school choral lock in at the fun zone place last night. It was from midnight to 5:00 a.m. Since there was free go-karting in it for me, I said sure. First off, I'm not one to start an activity around midnight, so the obvious solution was to inject caffeine directly into my veins. I am, however, not going to do that, so instead I drank two huge cups of it... same difference. Don't worry, one was a milky way, which could best be described as a yummy milkshake with almost no taste of coffee at all, and the other was a mocha, so I didn't actually have to put up with the fowl taste of coffee. And if you are one that likes that flavor, I say you must not have milk shakes often enough, because they are much better!

Anyway, I was under the impression that this place was like ten minutes away... I was wrong. It was over 30 minutes away, plus my GPS got me lost. Now I know that you're thinking... that's not possible... oh yes it is! I ended up about two miles from the place, in a construction site, with no go=karts... though admittedly the crane looked fun. I asked at a gas station, the man thought I was asking where the gentlemen's club was... he thought I was a STRIPPER. I had on an MSU sweatshirt... geez. Also, how exacly does "the putt-putt place" bring to mind a gentlemen's club? I don't go to them, so I'm really asking. In fairness his english was not fantastic... obviously.

So I finally found the place, thanks to Marta, two chaperones, and the bus driver. We go-karted, putt-putted and played dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I sucked at that, so I just kept pushing Marta off... very funny. All in all, well worth the fun night, and the really funny story.

my right boob

Good title right? I seem to have pulled a muscle in my right boob. I guess I either did this running with the dog, or at the gym. Either way, I'm beginning to appreciate the male brain, as I have now honestly spent most of my day thinking about my boob. Now, in fairness, I'm only doing this because everytime I breath / move a stabbing pain hits it, but still... it's a sliver of what it must be like to be a man... well a man that likes boobies...

Scroll down for the picture...




Are you kidding. Do your honestly think I'd put of a picture of that?

superman

So the news of the week would be that my father fell off the roof on Wednesday night. His ladder slipped, and he hit the driveway on his face. Insert blood, screaming, and the ER... he's OK, THANK GOD!!!!!! Good even, considering one isn't specifically crafted to fall onto one's face from the roof... Now, this is a terrible, life changing event, but since it did not end in catastrophe, let us speculate on what we can learn from this:

1. People don't fly well... at least not on their own.
2. After falling off a roof, you can actually be called lucky.
3. Live in the moment, because you might fall from a roof soon.
4. You actually can't break steel... way to go Dad! (You can, however, bruise it, give it a large gash on it's head, get blood all over the driveway, and make it feel like it was run over by a train for a week or two, so we are NOT suggesting you try this at home)

I love you Dad. I'm glad you're OK... let's keep both feet on the ground for a while, shall we?

Caroline, or Change

flowers from Marta and Guy

These are beautiful. Thank you!!!!!